Warmth
by WOWZAcoolBEANS
Summary: The whispers in ones sleep are usually those that are truest to the heart. Subaru overhears Kamui’s feelings for him and wonders how someone who had been through so much could still have room in his heart for him. Kamui/Subaru brotherly love.


**Title:** Warmth

**Synopsis:** The whispers in ones sleep are usually those that are truest to the heart. Subaru overhears Kamui's feelings for him and wonders how someone who had been through so much could still have room in his heart for him. Kamui/Subaru brotherly love.

**Rating: **T

**A/N**: I dunno how this one turned out… It's a bit ramble-ish. I wanted it to be frantic to mirror Subaru's internal emotions, but it just turned out a bit stupid… Oh well. Enjoy it anyway. ^.^

**Disclaimer:** I don't own X, because if I did, then they would have waited a bit longer to kill of Seishirou.

--

"I hope I never figure out who broke your heart and if I do… I'd spend all night losing sleep."

-'Living Room' by Tegan and Sara

--

Sakura petals haunted his dreams; that was why Subaru found it so difficult to sleep. When his eyelids fell and the nirvana of sleep that was supposed to take him to far off worlds where things were good came, it was too good to be true.

Sakura petals haunted Subaru's dreams.

"You aren't in your pajamas." Shrugging, Subaru picked a book up from on top of the chair in the corner of Kamui's room and placed it up on the shelf. "Aren't you going to sleep, Subaru."

Placing himself in the now vacant chair, Subaru smiled. "I'm not tired; I think I'll stay up for a little longer." Even though he was not looking at Kamui, he could feel his worried eyes staring at him. Those eyes had been doing that far too often lately; those eyes reminded him of someone who once pretended to care. "Don't worry, I'm fine. Get some sleep; I'll be here."

Despite his unrest, Kamui shut off the lights and put the blankets over him, feeling warm with Subaru's eyes on him. It had been so cold lately; each moment that was not filled with fighting or school was filled with bitter memories that sent shivers down his spine. That time where he would sit awake, trying desperately to fall asleep, were the times that he felt like he would freeze.

"Goodnight then, Subaru."

Waiting for Kamui to fall asleep, Subaru shut his own eyes, playing cruel tricks on himself. Masochistic, perhaps, but it was something that had been with him for years. Since the moment that Seishirou had unveiled himself as the Sakurazukamori the unending loneliness had not ceased.

Slowly the moon moved across the sky and Kamui's eyes felt more and more heavy before shutting and not opening again until the morning came.

Despite the heaviness in his own eyes and the false promise of a restful mind and peaceful slumber, Subaru remained awake, half watching the outside world and half lost in the thoughts that were always on his mind.

How pathetic he was; how unbelievably sad. Subaru was someone who should have been at the top of the world now; if things had gone as planned then there would have been no door left closed to Subaru and no path unexplored. At the age of happiness and with his wealth, Subaru should have been free as a bird.

And yet his mind was trapped in the past; over and over it played the images of his teenage years like a broken record.

_Seishirou… Hokuto… Happiness… Pain…_

Killing him a little more with each repeated memory, they all came back to the thought of a bloody sakura petal waving at him in the wind with a sickening grin.

"Fuuma." Shaken, Subaru's eyes searched for the source of the voice, landing on Kamui. Distorted in the pain of an unseen world, there was a horrid look on Kamui's face. "Stop, Fuuma."

For some reason, Subaru stopped breathing. Under his own breath he whispered, "Kamui" as if saying it would give the troubled boy some comfort. More than anyone, Subaru knew that there was no easy cure. For a moment a gentle hug or a tearful condolence might numb the pain, but that relief never lasted for long.

It was the arctic chill of knowing that you would be alone for another night that drove the grief inside one's heart to create a permanent residence there.

"Kotori." It was almost too much for Subaru to bear; these dreams were not his burden to hold alone. "I miss you…" In the morning would Kamui remember these terrors as Subaru had endured for years alone? Did he even know that he was dreaming now, or was his subconscious screaming at him, telling him to take action now?

It grew hot, all of a sudden, and a thin layer of sweat formed on Subaru's body. Taking off his jacket as quickly as he could, he tried to cool off, but found that no reprieve came. "Why?" Looking over at the bed, he felt sick to his stomach. If there was something above them then it was a cruel person; to put more than one person through this living hell was-

"Subaru, smile." Was the next mutterings of the sleeping boy, forcing a small laugh to come from Subaru's mouth.

"I haven't for a while, Kamui." The fact that he was so honest while he was sleeping made Subaru smile just a bit through his anxiety. "Not since that day."

In the bed Kamui tossed and turned, nightmares probably abound. To see what Kamui had seen was not an easy thing; soon enough he would learn that it was easier just to be awake until you are too exhausted to even dream.

Yet, Kamui still hadn't realized this. Kamui still grasped onto his dreams. With a masochistic flair he still invited them in; embraced them; filled himself with their cool hatred of all that was good in the world. It was very quick that Subaru had learned to give up on dreams; they were nothing but baggage and petals, but Kamui still insisted on forcing himself into that terrible place.

Again, Kamui rolled, this time muttering about Fuuma once again.

Kamui did not want to die by Fuuma's hand; instead he wanted to save it.

Was there hope for Seishirou, then?

No.

Shaking his head, Subaru knew that he couldn't let those thoughts invade. For the Sakurazukamori there was no change, no redemption. Even if Kamui's friend still had a shread of humanity left within him, the Sakurazukamori could not. The sins of his past could never be redeemed unless… Unless…

Tears brimming his eyes, Subaru stared at Kamui. For someone who was as good as Atlas at the moment to have any sort of pain and pity in his heart for someone like Subaru was too much to take. The only reason that this boy even knew him was because of his vendetta towards the Sakurazukamori; if that had not been the case then the end of the world would have mattered very little to Subaru. How was it that someone with so little space in his heart had room for him?

For years Subaru's heart has been closed off. There was no room in it for anyone in the present. Only three people had ever made it in there, and that was the way it stayed. Despite losing all three of them; one to a wheelchair, one to darkness and one to death, he had never thought of letting anyone within it.

Yet, when he looked at Kamui's face, he didn't want to see it tearstained any longer. He didn't want to hear him whispering the names of his hurt friends under his breath while in slumber and he didn't want him to spare a moment on a broken person like himself.

This boy deserved better than that.

Outside the moon continued to fall, with the sun coming up behind it. As the night progressed Kamui grew more quiet and still, finally falling into the dark place of slumber where he could be free. It was too soon, Subaru thought, when the alarm went off, signaling the time that Kamui needed to wake up for school.

Banging his alarm just a bit too hard, Kamui got up and stretched, almost surprised, but glad, to see that Subaru was still there. "Did you sleep well?" He asked, though from the dark bags under Subaru's eyes Kamui could tell that he hadn't slept a wink.

"Of course." With a swift step Subaru moved across the room and embraced Kamui, spreading his warmth through Kamui's cold body.

Though embarrassed, Kamui smiled and put his own arms around Subaru's. Maybe now, he finally understood.

--

_Fin_


End file.
